My life with Lord Krishna

I am the culprit and victim too, My self-worship came amid You and me. I abandoned You in Goloka to relish this impaired world, Realising my flaw, I am striving to get moulded into Your puppet again. Failing every time in finding a way to reach You,  makes me feel like a useless morsel of flesh. Please allow me to love You, Krishna,  although I wonder if I am really worthy of witnessing You anew. You know I am not a pretender,  still, my thoughts and actions are going apart. Is it Your Maya who is playing her role at her best? Or is it owing to my defective love for You? Whatever it is, this dejected invisible dot of dust,  plead You to take her beyond all her defects. If not, she will remain forever an unfortunate soul, whose destiny is to remain apart from You.

        In last three years I have realized that in actuality nothing is in my control, not even my breath. I am breathing each second without even realizing that I am breathing. But Krishna feels me breathing. He is planning for me all the time as if He is just living for me. More than me, He is meditating on my future and determining the best possible path for me through which I can become His true devotee.        Three years back I made a wish to Him and said that it’s up to You Krishna, whether You want to fulfill it or not. I left it on Krishna but somewhere deep down I wanted Him to fulfill my desire. Today He has actualized my wish but in His own way, not the way I wanted it to get fulfilled.       We all imagine our future and make some goals to achieve in life. Apart from this we also plan that how we are going to accomplish each goal. We try to prepare foolproof plans for ourselves but we really don’t know whether they are best or not. I did the same. I fantas

      Finally I am writing again. It’s been so long I haven't posted anything. What excuse can I give? I am not able to do anything properly as I want to do so many things at a time. I am just crazy. hehe. I am trying to make myself understand that do one thing at a time and try to give it your best. I know Krishna is going to teach me this also in some way. Sometimes it scares me. lol. But I also love getting chastised by Krishna. I am happy feeling His presence around me no matter in what way He does so :)        So let’s come to the topic now "Serving the servants of Lord Krishna". It sounds different but this is the best way to please Krishna. I personally have experienced this. Firstly, what is the need to serve? It is simply because we are servants by nature. Srila Prabhupada says that we are always serving our senses or family or friends or office or pets. All the time we are serving. Do you think serving anything I mentioned before can fulfil the purpose

          It was a sweet day Krishna. I celebrated Janmashtami with You very peacefully and silently. I tried to decorate my altar for You. I hope You liked it. I requested You to made me pick only those things from market which You like. I hope You did it. I made a dress and a necklace for You with yellow color in it as it is Your favorite color. You were looking beautiful Krishna in this attire.          In the form  of Ladu Gopal You look so cute that I was wishing to have You in my arms as baby Krishna. I would love to play with You. How lucky Yashoda mayiya is! I cannot imagine Your beauty. I feel my mind is so small and imperfect to imagine Your flawless beauty. I would have faint or go crazy if I had seen You in real. Perhaps someday I will celebrate Your birthday with You at Your abode. I was also wondering that Your devotees in Goloka must have been celebrating Your birthday with so much enthusiasm and You are so kind that You must have helped them if they had f

      I wrote in my last blog that Krishna is very generous and He will accept anything that we serve out of Love and devotion. Its true but there is another side of Him which is dema n ding and arduous. The more we are going to fall in love with Him, the more stern and obdurate He will become in love.     Loving Him is not at all easy. If you yearn to love Him then you must prepare yourself to do anything for Him. Once He assures that your heart truly desires to love Him then w ords are not adequate to appease Him . The more I do for Him , the more He makes me feel that I have done nothing. He never let me feel content ed by myself in loving Him . Earlier I was accustomed to feel that wow I am doing so much for Krishna, I love Him so much but then out of His mercy I encountered His devotees who are doing so much for Him and still they are so humble to say that they are doing nothing . I felt bad for myself and I promised Him not to repeat this again . Wheneve

It’s a very sweet incident that happened to me. I was confused about sharing it here as some of you might think I am silly. But finally I decided to share it for dear devotees of Krishna :) A couple of days ago I was doing some work at home and I played some random Hindi songs playlist on YouTube. I didn't know what songs were there in the list. I just played one and started doing my work. Later when I was cleaning my altar, a thought came in my mind and I requested Krishna to dedicate next song on the list to me. I asked Him to play something He feels. So He dedicated this beautiful song to me -  Main tenu samjhawan ki (What should I make you understand) Na tere bina lagda jee (without you my heart is unable to focus on anything) Tu kee jaane pyaar mera (what do you know about my love) Main karaan intezar tera (I am waiting for you) Tu dil tuyyon jaan meri (You're my heart, and you're my life too) I was like Awwwwwwww :’) I started crying.