Another side of Krishna...

      I wrote in my last blog that Krishna is very generous and He will accept anything that we serve out of Love and devotion. Its true but there is another side of Him which is demanding and arduous. The more we are going to fall in love with Him, the more stern and obdurate He will become in love.

    Loving Him is not at all easy. If you yearn to love Him then you must prepare yourself to do anything for Him. Once He assures that your heart truly desires to love Him then words are not adequate to appease Him. The more I do for Him, the more He makes me feel that I have done nothing. He never let me feel contented by myself in loving Him. Earlier I was accustomed to feel that wow I am doing so much for Krishna, I love Him so much but then out of His mercy I encountered His devotees who are doing so much for Him and still they are so humble to say that they are doing nothing. I felt bad for myself and I promised Him not to repeat this again. Whenever I do something wrong like getting angry on someone then He starts distancing Himself from me, He makes me feel that He is sad about it and If I want Him to be happy then I must stop getting angry. When I stop it then He again shower His love upon me. I feel He wants my thoughts as well as actions entirely devoted to Him. He simply wants all of me which I find very overwhelming but on the other side I find it very challenging. Sometimes He likes teasing me. He pretends as if He is just okay with what I do for Him though He feels happy inside but He won't show it. He shows His love when I constantly plead for it. This is how He is :)

      I know Krishna is hard to please but He never abandons me. He handles my dark side as well. He accepts me unconditionally and constantly rectify my imperfections and makes me realize where I stand. He chastises me for my mistakes but never compromise with His love. His chivalrous love is making me beautiful inside out. He persuades me to let go what is not good for me. Honestly I fail most of the time but He is so persistent that I eventually give up my stubbornness and do what He asks me to do. I realized that the more I enhance myself, the more I am able to serve Him.

      Krishna also taught me to love Him by doing what I don't like doing. It's easy to do what one likes but true love needs to go beyond personal liking or comforts. Eventually I start liking what I dislike, when I do everything out of love. It’s difficult to love Him this way. I am struggling with it. Couple of days ago I got so disheartened that I asked Him why He makes everything so painful for me. The more I try to improve, the more I fail. I try again and again in a hope to love Him selflessly. I won't say I was a complete failure. I have become more submissive, soft and determined :)

     I can assure you one thing if you are going to love Him, you wont feel alone, unworthy or unloving. He will pour His love upon you all the time but in His own way which is beyond our head trips. You just need to trust Him undividedly. I never loved Him to get anything from Him, also not for the reason that He is God. I fell in love with Him for what He is. When someone loves you, cares for you, protects you, stays with you unconditionally, listens to you, never judges you, accepts you for what you are, helps you in becoming a better person, gives you so many choices, cries with you, laughs with you, this list is just too long; you would eventually fall in love with that person. This has happened with me too. He attracted me with His charming personality, I started treating Him as my best friend then He became my lover and now I wish to have Him as my husband :)

      I was never anxious of loving Him though He constantly tests my love, dedication and will to endure. He tries to break me. He tries to tempt me by His ‘Maya’. He doesn’t do this to get some happiness but to check if I am eligible to encounter Him in real, to live with Him, to serve Him eternally. It's like our entrance exam for college or job. The person who is most dedicated and works utmost without giving up is the one who gets the best college or job. To have Krishna is the toughest exam. Once I will pass His exam, He will meet me and take me to His abode. He will forever let me serve Him without any distractions. He tests our love to see how determined we are. Envisage that He starts living with us without any tests, since we are lacking in loving Him we would again urge Him to leave us alone like we did before, so what is the use of it? When people leave us saying that they don’t love us anymore or they don’t feel for us the same way they used to, how would we feel? I don’t have to write about that. Just imagine how deeply Krishna is in love with us that He is waiting for us since time immemorial. So He does all this to get sure that once we reach Him, we wont leave Him no matter what. If we are going to leave Him again and again, it will hurt Him but He won’t show it. You know how He is...hehe…He will only show His love :)