Accepting Krishna..

Krishna was always in front of me but I closed my eyes so tightly that I couldn't realize my eternal relationship with Him.

I am thankful to my parents because watching them serving God was very helpful in developing my relationship with God. They are devotees of Lord Shiva. I imitated them without knowing what it means to serve God. For years I served Lord Shiva. I was dedicated and loved visiting temple in the morning before going to school and college. But Krishna was nowhere near me. Still I circumambulated Govardhan Hill for the first time when I was 10, without knowing its significance. But I enjoyed it and I was very happy. I was proud to complete it..hehe..I know it was childish.. Again I circumambulated it when I was 16-17. This time I tried to know more about Krishna but just out of curiosity. I was not interested in becoming His devotee.

When I was in my final year of college I started blaming God for my sufferings. I stopped visiting temple. Almost for a year I did this but later I realized that fault was mine. I wasn’t aware what I was doing to myself, to my life and most importantly to others. I was losing myself. I was completely blind. Worst thing I did at that time was to think Krishna is no God, He was just some extraordinary human being. How ignorant I was :(

I did almost everything that a person might do here to feel happy and at times I felt happy & enjoyed but it was all temporary. I felt as if I am fooling myself. I had every kind of fun but nothing gave me peace or satisfaction. Everything was temporary and unpredictable. I couldn't rely on anyone or anything for too long. I was dependent on outer world too much that I lost grip on myself. There was a time when I was in complete isolation. I was running after things which held no importance. But somehow I was always thinking about God. He always gave me strength to never give up.

Sadness, Disgust, Fear, Anger, Jealousy, Frustration, Agitation, Insecurity, all these emotions were part of my life till the time I didn’t realize my true self. I got trapped in these feelings. I didn’t know how to overcome these negative emotions. I use to feel so helpless. I still have these emotions in me but still I am better now. I have worked all these years on myself. With the help of Krishna I am sure to get completely free from all this :)

So after suffering for years I somehow got curious to read Bhagavad-Gita and stories about Krishna. I started reading Bhagavad-Gita in the end of 2011. Slowly I started getting attracted to Him. On 14 February 2012 I started worshipping Him and devoted myself to Him. For the first time I celebrated valentine day. I was very happy. I let go everything and accepted Him as everything :)

It took me 23 years to realize my connection with Krishna. But the reality is that I have wandered for countless births to encounter Krishna. Finally I got the chance to be with Him. Krishna knew everything. He planned everything so perfectly for me that now when I think about my past and see myself; I feel this is simply a miracle.

We all are suffering; I am not the only one. But by loving Krishna I feel very peaceful and satisfied. I won’t blame anyone for my pain. I suffered because of my past deeds. But Krishna helped me and He is still helping me a lot. He is teaching me to love myself and others in true sense as we all are pure souls but too much distracted by material world.

Love is what we all need the most. I went everywhere for it but in the end I realized Krishna has all the love. Now I just want to share my experiences with others, if they could learn anything from my experience like I am learning from their experience.  I’ll be more than happy if anyone could come closer to Krishna and feel His love. I just wish everyone to love Krishna. He truly deserves all our love.

In the end I just want to say-