Why I chose to love Krishna and How I am improving myself for Him?

Love is a CHOICE. I cannot force myself or anyone to love. Krishna has given this freedom to me.

Krishna is complete in Himself, He doesn't need anything still He gave me opportunity to share loving relationship with Him. I am His eternal companion. My soul is meant to love Krishna but out of Love, He gave me freedom. He doesn't force me to love Him. That is true love when you don’t force anyone to love or to do anything according to your wishes.

Whatever we choose, it is going to have some consequences. If we choose not to love Krishna then it is against the nature of our soul. Now if it is not Krishna then it has to be someone or something else. So to direct our love in something else, Krishna created this temporary material world (See how generous He is, we chose not to love Him still He created this material world so beautifully and gave us everything that we need). Here we make temporary relationships to satisfy our quest for love. Ephemeral things can never satisfy our eternal spiritual longings. No matter what we do but if it is against our nature then we are going to face problems. We all know this and somewhere we all are experiencing this. Probably that’s why no one is perfectly happy here.

Due to my wrong choice I have been suffering since time immemorial. But now Krishna has revealed this truth to me and gave me a choice to correct my mistake and redirect my love to Him. So I chose Him. When we choose to love Krishna out of our own desire then He reveals Himself to us and allows Himself to be controlled by our love.

But I know it is not so easy to change our behaviour, way of thinking or habits. His "Maya" is so attractive that I often get distracted. But every problem has a solution. My solution is to practice as much as I can. I always desire to improve myself for Krishna. When you truly love someone you naturally try to please that person and when someone truly loves you, you try to improve yourself for that person. Now days it is rare to find such kind of love. We are more into business like first you give me then I will give you and if you won’t give that means you don’t love me so I won’t love you anymore. This is how it is.

We all have heard about King Kansa and his sister Devaki. Kansa used to love her sister immensely. He was so protective of her. But one day when a heavenly voice forecasted that Devaki's eighth son will kill him, he tried to kill her. All love vanished in a moment. This is not love. Most of us are doing this only. Our relationships are very conditional. You do this, do that, keep on doing and I will love you forever otherwise move on. We have been brought up like this. It is not a fault of any single person. Whole society has become like this. So we need to check ourselves frequently that what we are doing and where we are going.

Since I love Krishna, I am trying to achieve that level where I won’t put any condition in front of Him that first You do this for me then I will do that for You and if You won’t fulfil my desire, I will stop loving You and worshiping You. How can I do business with God who has always loved me unconditionally, who has never left me alone though I forgot Him so many times, who took me out of that life where I was just ruining myself. I was so busy in my life that I never realised what Krishna has given to me. When I realised it, I automatically fell in love with Him :)

I tried to improve myself to show my love to Krishna, not because He was forcing me. He simply loves me and wants me to be happy eternally. I suffered because of my misdeeds, not because of Him. In fact He keeps trying to show me the right path and ready to take everything on Himself once I am ready to surrender to Him. On this note I would like to quote some verses from Bhagavad Gita-

Chapter 18, Text 65:

man-mana bhava mad-bhakto

mad-yaji mam namaskuru

mam evaisyasi satyam te

pratijane priyo ’si me

“Always think of Me, become My devotee, worship Me, and offer your homage unto Me. Thus you will come to Me without fail. I promise you this because you are My very dear friend.” 

Chapter 18, Text 66

sarva-dharman parityajya

mam ekam saranam vraja

aham tvam sarva-papebhyo

moksayisyami ma sucah

“Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.”

He truly loves us that’s why He said all this. He will never interfere in our lives until we ask Him to do so. He will keep on loving us indirectly or secretly. He will just wait for us to take one step towards Him and surrender to Him. I took that one step and I feel that this is the best thing I ever did to myself :) 

Let us come to improvement thing now. Here I will just write about the improvement in my habits not in my behaviour. I will write about that in another blog. So, in a day to day life we follow a routine. We need to do so many things in just one day. After my college and before becoming a devotee of Krishna I used to spend my whole day lazily. There was no routine. I used to stay awake till late night and wake up in the afternoon. I never gave much attention to cleanliness. My eating habits were not good. I lost so much weight and became so weak. I remember I was 22 and my weight was just 38 kg. I used to waste lot of time in orkuting and on other social networking sites. All the time I used to watch movies or listen to music or chatting on phone. We can do this sometimes but not all the time like I did. I did things randomly which were not fruitful. I was just wasting my time. But I am glad that I never forgot God and because of Him I always wanted to improve myself and I still want this.

Krishna is literally my saviour. Today my life is totally opposite of what it used to be. Now I am a devotee of Krishna so I have to follow a routine. I have some discipline in my life now and life has become meaningful. I won’t say it is just the way I want it to be. There is still lot many things that I am lacking in. I am trying to improve. Many times I fail. I feel demotivated, sad, tired but I never stop. I start all over again. I do it again and again till the time it doesn't become my habit. It is only the love of Krishna which motivates me otherwise I simply cannot do anything. I know He is watching me and must be smiling and waiting for me. I hope to meet Him someday, till then I will keep on showing my love to Him like this. In fact writing blogs is also a way of showing my love to Him :)

And yes now I am 27 and My weight is 50 kg :D ..I don’t gain weight easily.. This is the toughest thing to do.

This is it for now. JAI SHRI KRISHNA :)